1. Pay Attention. Put your phone away (even if you are checking work emails) and be present for the meeting or conversation that you are in. I cannot tell you how frequently previous conversations and discussions in meetings are referenced in engineering.

2. Read the email. Don’t skim that email and assume that you got all of the necessary information. You may be stressed. You may be trying to wrap up five other things. Either wait to read the email when you can focus and actually read it carefully; or set aside what you are currently doing to focus on the email. Why is this important? Besides the obvious reason of potentially missing important information if you’re lazy in you’re reading our distracted, your response is representative of the type of colleague that you are. Before you send your email, take a moment to ensure that you addressed each of their questions or concerns. You don’t need to write paragraphs (in most cases) but at a minimum you should write something to ensure them that you read the entirety of their email.

3. Leave your ego at the gym (or in your car or whatever space is big enough to hold it). Do not bring it into the workplace. I am talking about ego, not confidence. Confidence is knowing your value. It is your willingness to grow and be wrong sometimes as you learn. Ego is how you deem the value of others and yourself in comparison to them. It is your willingness to belittle people (in front of or behind) who you see as contributing less than you. You will learn in the work place who to trust, who to rely on and who to give your time to. This is judgement, not ego. For example, if you have a coworker repeatedly come to you for help yet doesn’t take your advice, you may want to respectfully time bound the next conversation they ask to have with you.

4. Focus on one thing at a time. That isn’t to say that you have to shift your focus to accommodate meetings or other tasks, but focus on whatever it is your doing at that moment. I truly believe that the ability (*ahem* decision) to pay attention and focus is what separates the exceptional engineers from the mediocre ones. If you find that you have trouble focusing in meetings, consider taking hand written notes.

5. Another thing that I’ve noticed about exceptional engineers is that they are organized. Keep and organize your notes. Organize your tasks in a way that makes sense to you. Don’t assume that you’ll remember all the important details from that meeting or discussion. Don’t assume that a task will never slip through the cracks when you’re swamped.

6. Don’t be afraid to ask the “obvious” questions. I used to be afraid to ask what I perceived as the obvious questions. How wrong I was in thinking! Don’t make assumptions if you’re not sure. They lead to wasted time and effort. Get the facts that you need in order to understand the problem and contribute to the solution.

1. Pay Attention. Put your phone away (even if you are checking work emails) and be present for the meeting or conversation that you are in. I cannot tell you how frequently previous conversations and discussions in meetings are referenced in engineering.

2. Read the email. Don’t skim that email and assume that you got all of the necessary information. You may be stressed. You may be trying to wrap up five other things. Either wait to read the email when you can focus and actually read it carefully; or set aside what you are currently doing to focus on the email. Why is this important? Besides the obvious reason of potentially missing important information if you’re lazy in you’re reading our distracted, your response is representative of the type of colleague that you are. Before you send your email, take a moment to ensure that you addressed each of their questions or concerns. You don’t need to write paragraphs (in most cases) but at a minimum you should write something to ensure them that you read the entirety of their email.

3. Leave your ego at the gym (or in your car or whatever space is big enough to hold it). Do not bring it into the workplace. I am talking about ego, not confidence. Confidence is knowing your value. It is your willingness to grow and be wrong sometimes as you learn. Ego is how you deem the value of others and yourself in comparison to them. It is your willingness to belittle people (in front of or behind) who you see as contributing less than you. You will learn in the work place who to trust, who to rely on and who to give your time to. This is judgement, not ego. For example, if you have a coworker repeatedly come to you for help yet doesn’t take your advice, you may want to respectfully time bound the next conversation they ask to have with you.

4. Focus on one thing at a time. That isn’t to say that you have to shift your focus to accommodate meetings or other tasks, but focus on whatever it is your doing at that moment. I truly believe that the ability (*ahem* decision) to pay attention and focus is what separates the exceptional engineers from the mediocre ones. If you find that you have trouble focusing in meetings, consider taking hand written notes.

5. Another thing that I’ve noticed about exceptional engineers is that they are organized. Keep and organize your notes. Organize your tasks in a way that makes sense to you. Don’t assume that you’ll remember all the important details from that meeting or discussion. Don’t assume that a task will never slip through the cracks when you’re swamped.

6. Don’t be afraid to ask the “obvious” questions. I used to be afraid to ask what I perceived as the obvious questions. How wrong I was in thinking! Don’t make assumptions if you’re not sure. They lead to wasted time and effort. Get the facts that you need in order to understand the problem and contribute to the solution.

I want to be clear that I am not only talking about romantic relationships. In fact, some of the most difficult relationships that I’ve experienced were not of the romantic kind.

• Kindness is significant. If someone is unkind to you with no remorse and repeats this behavior over and over, that is a relationship that you need to remove yourself from. No one, I repeat NO ONE, should be permitted to be in relationship with you if they are unkind to you. People like this can be shady - they can be nice to you one minute and nasty the next. The nice moments do not make up for the nasty ones. They do not make them okay. Even if some kindness is sprinkled in, you should not stay in that relationship. They are showing their respect for you when they treat you with nastiness/unkindness/dismissiveness and repeat this behavior. Love is not inconsistent. Yes, they may have unresolved personal issues that cause them to behave the way. That is not your responsibility. Their issues do not justify treating others badly (neither do yours, btw). This applies to everyone - close family, friends and romantic partners. Even if you hope that it will get better, don’t stay. It is less likely to get better if you stay in that relationship. By staying, you are essentially saying that behaviour is permissable. You may not be able to physically leave the presence of that other person, but you can distance yourself emotionally by being careful of the kind of conversations you engage in, and maybe spending your time in a separate space until you can move. Please make sure to reach out to good friends and/or a therapist in these situations. I’ll talk more on this later, because sometimes we don’t have those people in our lives.

• If you are continuously serving the other person it may be time to evaluate the relationship. Notice that I used the word “continuously”. There are certainly times in relationships where one party is serving the other more than the other way around. This is a normal and healthy part of a relationship. When you’re always the one serving the other without reciprocation, that’s another story. Sometimes “serving” has nothing to do with physically doing something for the other person. Serving can be a listening ear. Are you always the one listening to the other person’s stories, thoughts, troubles, etc? That’s a serving position. Again, this is okay if it’s this way some of the time, but if you are always in this position without (or with rare) reciprocation, you may want to evaluate this relationship. It’s not a healthy relationship at that point, in my opinion.

• How does this person make you feel? I was going to say that this one is tricky, but I actually don’t think that it’s tricky at all. The reasons may not always be obvious, but we know how other people make us feel. If you consistently feel “less than” when spending time with the other person, it’s time to evaluate the relationship. You weren’t born to be less significant than anyone else. We all have different roles but our worth is equal. We can tell ourselves stories, so be wary of whether if it’s you or the other person making you feel a certain way.

• If you feel like you need to diminish yourself in any way for a relationship, get out of it. Life is entirely too short for that nonsense.

If you need to walk away from one or more relationships in your life; please do this with character, calmness and forgiveness. Stand on facts, but understand that some people don’t care. Be careful about arguing, because your words may get twisted. Sometimes it’s best to simply leave.

I shared some of what I’m going to talk about on my coaching business’ (@energystrengthandnutrition) Instagram stories. I believe that financial peace is a factor of health. We’ve been taught about chronic stress, inflammation in the body and the disease/health issues that inflammation can cause. I don’t know about you but financial stress feels like this low hum. I shouldn’t have purchased that thing, I should have cooked that meal at home, why haven’t I paid off my student debt, etc. So much guilt. This is one area that I’m not sure more pressure -even to better behavior- is going to help much. I am going to share some (hopefully) useful and non-shaming tips. I must be clear - I’m a work in progress in every area especially this one.

1. Think “soon”, not “never”.

   When I am tempted to purchase something that is not a need and I know that I should probably wait, I will tell myself that maybe next month I will get it. I am not telling myself “no”. I am actually telling myself “yes, but wait”.

   Why wait? I personally think about this in terms of credit card and checking account balances. I want one low (ideally zero) and the other with a comfortable amount. If I have a credit balance that I want to pay off or a checking account balance that I want to increase or stay the same, that is motivation for me to say “wait”. You can obviously give yourself a definitive time such as “next paycheck” or “next month”.

2. Don’t purchase the item because it’s on sale (unless it makes sense to).

   I’d rather refuse to purchase something if it causes me stress to do so, and be willing to pay more when I can comfortably afford the purchase. The decision to purchase something should be based on more than a discount. I’ll talk more about this later.

3. Consider the cost/benefit of projects.

   I can be a bit of an “idea person” with a tendency to have an idea and then start making it happen without much space in between. I have more than once fallen victim to wasteful spending in this area. Maybe that sizable herb garden with the specialty growing lamp in my apartment kitchen wasn’t the best idea…This leads to my next tip.

4. Consider your future.

   Yeah, yeah we all know about saving for the down payment and retirement, etc. What I’m getting at here is, if you are living in a place (say an apartment) that you do not intend to stay in, take a pause before investing in that space. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t make it nice to an extent, but I believe that every investment in that space should be made with consideration of the home that you actually want to settle in. I suggest taking a pause before purchasing that additional piece of furniture or before asking your landlord if you can repaint the spare room. Maybe there is an additional benefit here in not getting too comfortable if where you are isn’t where you want to be.

5. Give every dollar a job.

   Listen to Jesse Mecham’s podcast if you’d like. This is his idea. I do agree with it. We all have “unnecessary” purchases that are important to us. Maybe you’re into video games, having multiple streaming subscriptions or have outdoor hobbies that require gear. That’s fine, but consider planning ahead of time for a certain amount of money to be dedicated to that “job”.

6. Cook at home.

   Not all the time, of course. Try to set yourself up for success in this area. I would struggle with this when I was really tired from work and didn’t want to cook. It has been helpful to find satiating (think high protein) meals that are very easy to prepare. A couple of mine are ground beef (grass fed!) bowls and a spicy shrimp and rice dish using microwavable rice and pre-cooked shrimp.

7. Take inventory of what you have before purchasing something new.

   This might be obvious but, if it’s not a habit, I suggest making it one.

8. Avoid stocking up (where it makes sense).

   I used to be someone who liked to have backup of certain things. I think that, in many cases, this isn’t necessary and can lead to unnecessary spending. Use your judgment, but I encourage you to question all “just in case” spending.

I’m only aiming for a 14 hour fast per day. If there are days where I “beat” that, then maybe that’s great. I am choosing a lower stress goal for myself. It is encouraged to do 16 -18 hour fasts, but benefits have been shown in as little as 12 hours. I think that 14 hours better suits the fact that I want to do this daily. Sometimes, it’s easier to stick with certain habits that are done daily rather than a few days per week in my opinion. I wouldn’t encourage someone whose body is well adapted to a 16 - 18 hour fasting period to reduce their fasting window.

I’m finding that I’m enjoying the discipline of fasting. With so much going on, it brings a sense of control and satisfaction to do something daily to support my health and to exercise my discipline “muscle”. It’s also bringing more awareness to how late I’m eating. If I stop eating at 9:30 PM, I know that I need to wait until 11:30 AM am to eat again. That can be challenging so I’d rather stop eating at 7:30 PM and be able to eat again at 9:30 AM, for example. It is better for sleep quality to not eat close to bed time so that is an added benefit, if your schedule allows.

If I had to give advice to anyone considering IF, I’d say to not have an all or nothing mentality. If 16 hours is just too difficult for our body/schedule then do 14 or, at the very very least, 12. I’d also say to make sure to get at least one high protein meal within your eating window. This will make the fasting window easier. Obviously, if you eat too little, fasting is going to be more challenging. One more thing that I’d advise is not to focus on calorie restriction for weight loss right as you’re beginning to incorporate IF into your life. Focus on getting quality nutrition (high protein and whole foods) as you begin your IF journey.

What are your thoughts or experiences with IF?

I have wondered what makes really thin (and healthy) people the way that they are. I am going to share what I’ve noticed and I’d be curious what your own observations or thoughts are on this topic. For a bit of context, I was listening to an interview with Miranda Kerr on The Skinny Confidential Him and Her Show and it got me thinking again about this topic.

1. They habitually take care of their mental and physical state. It’s beyond going to the gym. They unapologetically get massages. They savor quiet time in the mornings. They have a skin care routine.

2. They cook at home. They seem to enjoy cooking whether naturally or because of their upbringing. It’s almost like a religious process where the components, results and time spent are all precious.

3. …a bit like the second item - they enjoy healthy food. They appreciate healthy food and have their go-tos. When I say “healthy”, I mean natural, whole foods.

4. They appreciate the small things. They are rooted. The most important thing to them is time spent with loved ones.

I wonder if a lot of it comes down to stress management and prioritizing the important things. If your actions are in alignment with what is important to you and you prioritize regular self-care, I really wonder if some things - like fitting into your favorite jeans - can fall into place a little more easily.

What do you think?

One thing that I’ve become more aware of lately through reading and listening to various podcasts, is the similar ways in which the pet food industry has been corrupted very similarly to the human food industry. It also sounds like the training provided for veterinarians is minimal in the area of nutrition as it is with human doctors. I am so glad that we have veterinarians and doctors, but I strongly feel (and the science seems to back this) that both our human and pet medical systems fall immensely short when addressing the root cause of illness and disease. I believe this is where, for now, the responsibility is on us - the pet owners - to do our own research and find out what types of food are suitable for our pets. I encourage you to check out The Holistic Felines and Friends podcast and to read The Forever Dog as a start to gather information. A holistic veterinarian may also be very helpful to provide nutritional guidance.

I’m not an expert. I am only sharing as I learn. I hope that you will do your own research and take a critical look at the foods that you are asking your pets’ bodies to thrive on.

If you find yourself thinking “I could never do that.” or “People like me don’t achieve those things”, you’re well on your way to getting no where. Also, thinking “I have no options.” is good for this as well.

Don’t Commit

You want the thing but you don’t quite feel ready to make a commitment. Waiting to feel a certain way is a solid method to getting no where.

Don’t Have A Why

Don’t have a clear vision to help when times get tough? You guessed it. …well you may get somewhere but without a vision you likely won’t reach an ideal destination.

Rely On Motivation

Oh you don’t feel like working out or eating right this week because of that work project that’s stressing you out? Okay, well I’m sure that this stress is a one time occurrence. Why adapt and grow when you can give up.

Identify With Your Current State

“I’m such a loser.” “I always fail at things.” “I’m an undisciplined person.” Okay. If you say so. Good luck getting out of that state with those things running through your mind. Sure they may seem true now, but you can change. Your current state is not one that you want to identify with so why are you?

Sabotage Yourself

Don’t make the effort to find healthy foods that you enjoy and are satiating. Definitely don’t keep them stocked in the house. This will really go well when you’re exhausted and famished after a long day.

Don’t Manage/Track

“I don’t know what I ate today, but I’m sure that it’s fine.” Definitely don’t pay attention to how many days in a month that you say that.

Don’t Prioritize

“I’m afraid to make time during the day to exercise because of work/kids/etc.” I mean, you can wait to take care of yourself when you’re retired or your kids are grown. It’s not like the energy and mental clarity that comes with consistent exercise and eating right would help you now or enable you to set an example for your kids.

Rely On Others

“No one believes in me.” “I’m alone in this effort.” That really sucks. Might as well be unhappy not achieving your goals than achieving your goals.

Assume That You Have Time

Keep saying “someday”. I’m sure that it’s a day. I’m sure of it.

Don’t Have A Growth Mindset

Be resistant to every new thing; to every new bit of information. Keep consuming those seed oils.

Work ethic, like it is to a lot of people, is important to me. I see it as a reflection of my quality as a human. It’s important to me that I accomplish certain things like exercise regularly and that I show myself as reliable and responsible especially where work is concerned. I’ve almost always looked at “doing the work” as an action. Did I swim laps over lunch? Did I strength train multiple times last week? Did I finish that project? Did I take the cats outside? Did I give them their supplements? Did I finish that task for my side hustle? You get the point. Work has been to me largely a reflection of the things that I can “point to” and can say are done. I would have considered laziness or a solid work ethic being measured by that list of accomplishments.

With all that I want to achieve in a day building a business and working towards other goals, I need to be using my time well. I think that most of us can say that but for our own, varied reasons. In order to be more productive, I have wanted to make the habit of getting up earlier. It wasn’t until recently that I realized a bit of laziness that I’ve permitted in my life without being conscious of it. I noticed that I would think negative things first thing in the morning. I would keep snoozing until all of the free time that I could have used for working on my side hustle, for reading, for writing, etc. was gone. There was an area in my life that I was regularly permitting laziness - my thinking. I say this is laziness because I was doing nothing to combat those thoughts and my life was affected negatively - over and over again.

This morning I tried something new. I can’t say that it got me up earlier but the battle has just begun. As I was laying there feeling sleepy and not wanting to get out of bed, I CHOSE to think positive thoughts instead of negative ones. I will continue to do this. I am also now looking for other sneaky times when I’m just casually letting negative thinking determine my actions.

In case you feel like you don’t have anything positive to think about…well there in may lie your problem. Don’t believe that thought - that debilitating, controlling thought. As long as you are breathing there is something positive to think about. Pretend if you have to. Imagine the person that you want to be and the life that you want. Think of one thing - just one - for which you are grateful.

If you’re wondering if there is some area of your life where you are letting negative thoughts control you, think about what you do consistently that you wish you wouldn’t; or something that you don’t do and wish that you would. What are your thoughts around that situation?

One of the most scary things that I can imagine is being caught in an avalanche. I watched a short documentary about a woman named Sanne Mona who survived an avalanche. It was such an out-of-body experience for her that, during the avalanche, she said that she could hear someone screaming to eventually realize that the person screaming was her. She struggled to keep back the emotions as she discussed the event. She continues to ski. She had to take steps like skiing benign terrain with her dog running along with her. She also got counseling. She stated in the documentary that it was a “Who’s going to win situation. Is the fear going to win or am I going to win. … I couldn’t let it win.”.

I don’t share the above because I can personally relate to those experiences; but because I can try to learn from what those individuals are teaching us about fear. I am going to share my own little fun experience, though.

I recently tried top rope rock climbing. I’ve been attracted to rock climbing for a long time never thinking that I was “cool” enough to do anything but bouldering (don’t get me wrong - bouldering is super cool). I didn’t think that I’d be brave enough to do anything where you had to use a rope and harness. I don’t know what finally prompted me to do it but I registered for a rock climbing class last August. It was about a three hour drive that morning to get to the class meeting place and I remember praying on the trip up there that I’d be able to do it. I didn’t know if having the harness or helmet on would trigger panic and I’d be unable to even start. I really did not know if I’d be able to do it. Only once did I ever really have any real amount of panic and I was able to get over it quickly. I visualized fear as not something that was non-existent but, instead, as it having its own compartment in my brain and that is where it was to stay. In some ways, I don’t really understand why I was so afraid. Now I wonder what my limits are. I hired a guide for an additional half day of climbing. We didn’t do anything really tall but it was so fun. I had a little fear but was able to top both routes. I am eagerly looking forward to climbing again and hope to conquer something a bit more challenging. If I hadn’t tried, I’d still have the belief that rock climbing cliffs is something that I probably can’t do. Now I get to wonder what I can do. I’m not fearless but I hope to continue to improve. A new avenue of life is now open to me.

Is there something that you gravitate to that scares you? Is it rock climbing? Is it going to a gym? Is it entering a race? I ask you to consider this - What if you do it and like it? What if you do it and it’s super hard but you feel proud of yourself for doing it? What if you hate it but are glad that you did it because it aligns with who you want to be as a person? What if you don’t actually know your limits?

It is good and healthy to take a moment to question our beliefs. Sometimes, I think that it is hardest to question our limiting beliefs… especially when we can’t imagine not being too afraid to do something. Are we going to let the fear win?

I would love to hear your success stories, and I’m here if you need someone to cheer you on.

I turned 37 this year. That might be young to you but boy did it hit me and continues to hit me. That my youth (sort of) is gone. Yes, I look young for my age and I have no intention of ever being “old”, but that’s not the point. The point is the years spent and the evaluation of them. I look back at particularly the last 15 years-ish and see a LOT of time wasted. It’s sad and a hard pill to swallow. Insincere friendships, romantic relationships that I knew would never work. Years of feeling less than. Years of settling for a life and a version of myself that I never wanted. Gosh it’s hard and I am so sorry. You think - or at least I did - that there’d always be time. That “someday” I’d do this or that. I am convinced that “someday” does not happen unless you actively do something to make it happen. There isn’t this magical line that you cross and all of a sudden your dreams become a reality. When I was younger, one of my main intentions in life was to die with no regrets. I will fail at that. I have regrets.

There are some things that I can say that I’ve learned over the past few years especially recently. Here they are:

• Having a community of people around you who truly love you makes all the difference.

• When you have people - or at least one person - in your life who sees your worth even when you don’t, you don’t settle so much. I wonder if I would have made some of the decisions that I now regret if I had found those people who love me sooner.

• Be careful with friendships. It is no credit to you for carrying on a friendship that you don’t want to be in. You are not only wasting your time, but theirs.

• Your value doesn’t come from a romantic partner’s opinion of you. When it’s the “right” person, they will see your value and love you for it; but your value isn’t determined by them.

• Don’t play small. Let people think/say what they want while holding yourself to your personal standards always.

• Fear doesn’t have to have the final say. (I will be sharing a separate blog post focusing on fear as this has been a big issue for me).

• In personal relationships, you should be treated with the same respect that you give. If you are consistently doing the majority of the “giving” or frequently being mistreated or dismissed, it’s time to back away. Listen to the message that the other person is sending by their treatment of you and believe it.

I think that many times, what made life difficult was not having a clear vision of where I wanted to be. I think being intentional about trying new things and meeting new people is especially important when you feel like you are coasting in life. Even if you don’t know exactly where you are headed, you can build relationships, have experiences and learn new skills. One interesting thing that I’ve noticed is that those “random” interests that I’ve had over the years weren’t maybe so random and line up with things that I’m doing now.

What does all this have to do with fitness and nutrition? Maybe nothing, however, wellness is all encompassing. If you are chronically stressed by a relationship, you will feel drained and may not want to work out or eat right. If you are struggling mentally, you may become obsessive about exercise or nutrition to a point that isn’t healthy. If you are depressed, you may struggle with seeing the point in getting yourself fit.

You are here for a reason. Please don’t waste time like I did. Get after it.

We’re going to work on your body, your habits, your mindset and your nutrition. We’re going to do it from the perspective that this body of yours is precious.

• We are grateful for the things that it currently can do and for all the things that it will do in the future.

• We are grateful for the legs that enable you to walk, run, sprint or climb.

• We are grateful for the hands that enable you to grasp weights and someone’s hand.

• We are grateful for the spine and hips that enable rotation and support.

• We are grateful for the arms that push, lift and pull.

If you are missing any of those things, we are grateful for what you do have and we will make the most of it. What your body is capable of is no less beautiful than that of someone with no limitations.

To sum all of this up - we are going to be grateful for what your body can do, and the love of and gratitude for your unique and precious body (and life!) is going to be the foundation of the work ahead of us.

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